STEWART: Wow, thank you so much! It’s so nice to be here hosting the Oscars, where the winners are decided by an unbiased count of votes. That makes it a democratic process, unlike some institutions!
(the audience laughs and titters, amazed at Stewart’s cutting-edge boldness)
STEWART: I’m referring, of course, to George W Bush, who stole the last two elections! Ha!
(audience ROARS with laughter already. Camera closes in on Cameron Diaz, with uncontrollable tears streaming down her hideous face)
STEWART: Thank you, thank you. You know, it’s up for Best Picture, but one of the more disappointing performances at the box office was the remake of “King Kong.” I guess that no one in America was really interested in seeing a movie about a monkey, since we’ve already had five years of George W Bush!
(audience ROARS with laughter again. Camera zooms in on Jake Gyllenhaal, who is, rather comically, braying like a donkey)
**Hat tip to Ace of Spades**
~ 
